cerebration: the act or product of thinking

now.. if that's the definitionof cerebration, then i wonder what's the word for 'the act or product of not thinking.' will there any particular words for it?! huhuhu

a friend of mine once said on a brief yet silly conversation:
caca: gw baru mikir ya ndy. kalo gw itu gak pernah mikir!
indy: oh ya? hmm well, selamat ca! loe baru aja perdana mikir klo gitu.

nah, based on that one, i really do think there needs to be a word which define that kind of phenomena. don't you?

all alone di kantor. sitting here since 10am, got the work at 3!! went to press conference at 4, when it actually started at 5.30!! went back to the office only to find my deputy editor gone! so this has been a great nite. no feature editors, no managing editor, no deputy editor, only mr hagi hagoromo as the editor in chief, who at this moment, had gone home as well.

so here i am. waiting till there's a problem. waiting till the designers called (or yelled) me. nice. when everybody's out there having fun on their long weekend, i'm stuck working at the office.
but then again, somehow, it's relaxing!
just me, a can of beer, internet, and itunes. currently playing earth wind and fire's september.

ngantuk bgt!!!!

and how tu me manques!
blakangan lagi sensi2 melulu nih. gak jelas juga antara karna tugas menggunung dan deadlinenya tetanggaan semua. or is it because of sumn else. i feel that there's a disturbance in the force& ternyata bener. dia capek, gw capek. semuanya jadi mental balik. kangen sih, dia juga. but.. ya gitu. uihuhuhuhu capey deh!!

"people come and go and walk away,
but i'm not going anywhere.
i'm not going anywhere."

sumtimes i wonder, akankah gw bner2 not going anywhere?! in what case, i wonder...

:: ben folds // still fighting it ::

over the years, i'm still fighting the same thing. talked with him yesterday. he asked questions that i didnt expect it coming from him. i thot or condition now is what he wants. but from what he asked me, it's as if he's thinking the contrary, still giving no solution to it. it has become another drama.

i wonder why dia gak mau selsein masalah hari itu juga. he told me krn dia tau akhirnya pasti gak enak. i didnt expect he was coming to that point. huhuhu jadi complicated gini.

mulai dari pertanyaan: who am i, who am i to you... you could guess what comes next.

the other day, i paid attention to my rash, dan lama2 kok lebih mirip kayak ubi2 gitu ya. it's red, cracking, and well, ugly. blm lagi gatel2 menggila yg menyerang klo lagi panas, kena keringet, dan bersentuhan ama baju. so i'll start throwing out images of having it kissed by some guy! wahahaha. anyhoo, i'm running out of ideas to hide it. not because i feel ashamed of it, but merely so people will stop asking questiongs about it. i mean, it's a skin for heaven's sake. it's mortal organs, so get over it. it cant be perfect all the time! pffftttt... fufufufufufu

talking 'bout human body, i got cramps again today. in the end tadi pulang kampus harus dijemput nyokap dan mampir kantor just to took my laptop, then went straight home. before that, fist thing in the morning, i met marko and talked 'bout me outsourcing for him. then, karna tau mo krmh ardi ngedrop kebaya, i bought myself credit at xl shop. somehow, i know something will happen, and i need distraction. so there i was, ngetok2 masuk rumahnya. the plan was give the kebaya to him, and went out of that house as fast as i can, without looking like i'm avoiding anything.

but what happened there was weird.

humans.. they make the most of almost anything. they solemnly put efforts on things that shouldn't and remain unmoved at the times they shouldn't. it's the worst philosophy i've had on my mind. tapi kok seringkali bener kejadian kayak gitu ya. but thankfully, today i succeed in controling situations. phew. Thank God!! but by the end of the day, agak gagal sedikit. gara2 having this period, bawaannya bt terus (as most women do!). i think of negative things, preparing myself to confront bad things, and omit smiles from every silly things that crossed path with me. this is torture!

The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time. - Friedrich Nietzsche

And I couldn't agree even more with Nietzsche! I do find myself having a gold fish memory, i won't argue with it. sometimes i forgot whether i've told the story or not. in almost every cases, i ended up telling the stories again and again. But.. i feel as if i told it for the first time, and the sensation of fun and excitement are the same. sometimes even bigger than the first time. for me, it gives an additional pump in your life. huhuhuhuhu.

just like what lucy said to henry in 50 FIRST DATE,
"there's nothing like a first... (in this case) kiss."

It's currently Mother's Day. Saluting every women who choose their path of becoming a mother, the highest rank in life. So, hereby saying unto every mother and also mine, Happy Mother's Day.

Talking about mothers, i cant thank my mom enough for everything that she's given me along the way. I may not know her biggest sacrifice for me, but surely know how much love she has showered me along my days.

have i told you about the day my mom gave me those 'guide to life' lectures? i usually regard it as her realeasing her paranoids over me. But, there's a thing or two from her lectures that really hitted me. There's a difference between relationship and love between two persons. Their phrase of 'love should be about take and give,' aren't the phrase that my mom gets from love. she believes that love should be unconditional. it's simply giving only. when relationship, forced you to expect yourself to take something in return.

From her words, i am now living my life based on that belief. somehow, i've been living her words before, just as she does with hers. it is painful sometime, but you can't really demand yourself to take too much when you do love that person a lot. it's hypocracy. you'll end up giving anyway, so why waste your energy and time. might as well, enjoy the process of it. pftttt...

i sent him my writings. he said he wants to see me today.

...

i need to get back to my work.

uhuhu sungguh tak bisa dipercaya. i read my old bloggings, dan kaget sendiri bacanya. isinya bener2 ngaco sejadi2nya gitu. huhu, malu sendiri. but maybe, that's the way i am back then. norak? uhuhuhu, jangan sampe terulang lagi deh!
felt so childish gitu. tp boleh men-justify diri gw gak? i mean, i start blogging when i was still in my early college years. just graduated gitu!! hahaha gak boleh ya?!

uhuhuhu, tapi bener juga sih. kok rasanya hidup tuh cuman muter2 gitu doang yah. the Bible was right, "nothing's new under the sun." so, i guess i shouldn't feel surprised with things that comes my way.

finally, everything ended. i've never felt so relieve. it tastes so close to freedom, where you can actually breathe freely, knowing that nothing is restrained from you. hahahaha it feels good to stop the silly game.

ok, so i'm the one who ended it. and according to the deal, i should pay for the movies and eating out. but i propose another option: watching movies at his house, and eat at aldi's! hahaha. i couldn't make any better bargain than that! ;)

:: something to talk about // badly drawn boy ::

si dino mo jalan2 ke eropa timur bulan depan. hiks, sedikit iri. udah lama gak travelling. miss the feeling of getting into new atmosphere. everything feels new. phew.. kapan dong yaaaaa??!!! udah gitu dia boleh misah dari rombongan tour dan menengok kantor playboy luar. jdnya, uang saku bisa dikasih ama perusahann. lucky her! gw jadi muter otak mikirin gimana caranya ngomporin si nyokap dan tante buat kluar lagi, biar bisa dapet acara jalan2 ekstra plus uang saku. euro baby!! than i might got to buy another 5euro bag, just like the one i got on amsterdam.

btw, talking ttg jalan2. nampaknya si manusia es yg satu itu kmaren2 slama game 'sakit' kita, take a tour on my friendster page, and read my blog. pffttt, gawat juga klo dibaca ama orang2 yg gak kenal kita dari dulu. who doesn't know the full detail of my stories. jatohnya, dia pikir gw manusia depresi. if only i wrote the time where i found solutions for my probs. maybe he'll think differently.

setelah begitu lama gak sakit, tiba2 sekarang rasanya terhuyung2 kecil. ada beberapa option penyebab:
1. too much smoke.. umm kan gw perokok pasif gitu dey.
2. kurang tidur. karena kan kalian tau sendiri, gw selalu ngerjain kerjaan dan tugas, jd selalu kurang tidur. apalagi krn harus bangun pagi tiap hari. phew...
3. ketularan orang lain.. yups, there's always sum1 else to be blame..
4. kurang makan enak.
5. kurang kasih sayang (ini cuman biar kesannya lebih dramatis aja)
6. kurang ajar. makanya.. ajarin aku dong.. xD
7. kurang taun.. umm itu mustinya ulang tahun!

KWAKS!! anyway, today has been a day full of surprises. from me, setting aside my pride biar bisa menghentikan permainan simalakama itu, and this 'ol sickness.

image taken from: www.koalnet.com
such a wonderful picture of Place du Carrousel

Thursday, May 4, 2006 6:49 AM

woke up at 5:30, yups! gara2 si ibu tepar pagi2, dan jackpot di wc. jd aku musti naikin
air panas buat abby, setrika seragamnya, bangunin, dan tungguin dia selse mandi.
in the end, abby naik taxi krn nyokap masih basian. have i told you klo mobilku masuk
bengkel 8 hari? mobil pinjemannya escudo baru, hehehe lumayan. btnya, si ibu brangkat
ke jogja hari ini, balik besok malem. dan aku msh gak bisa nyetir bener, sebal!!!
tau gitu aku bawa mobilnya seharian, lebih efektif kan jadinya. hehehehe.
btw kok symantec-ku expire yah. ntar minta tolong renew lagi pake cara kmu yang ganti2
format tahun itu yah! ehehehehe.

:: sweetest thing // u2 :: anthemku hari ini.

kmrn aku main2 fs lagi, ngisi testi buat orang2 yg jarang aku buka pagenya. ternyata aku
punya fs kmu juga yah. i cant help but notice, ayu tuh sayang bgt yah sama kamu, and
it hit me of how lucky she is. then i started to think, apa kita berenti aja ya kayak
gini, kmu terusin lagi ama ayu. but, hopefully, apa yg kmu cerita ke aku tentang kmu ama
dia sekarng sperti apa, itu gak boong. klo ampe iya, heheheh i dont know deh.
i wont go this far klo kmu ama dia ternyata emang masih sama2. really i wont. ampe kmu
sembunyiin sesuatu ato gak jujur ama aku, i wont trust you anymore.

5:29 PM
capek banget pulang kuliah. nyampe kantor lagi2 gak enak gitu badannya. dehidrasi gila,
pdhl pulang juga seperti biasa, minum ok, vitamin dari si ibu diminum juga. so what
went wrong? fufufufufu. td pagi pas aku lagi otw ke kampus, tiba2 spotted orang yg aku
kenal di samping papillon lagi jalan kaki, si nai! dia abis tabrakan di jagorawi.
si arya yg nyetir mobilnya nai, gara2 itu mobilnya ketahan di sana, trus si nai
trauma nyetir. hohoho kasian sekali dia. kayaknya dia ama aku lagi ngerasa enough
ama polisi deh jadinya. hahahaha. hmm, i dont know what else to write.

10:52
duduk2 di starbucks thamrin ama abby ibu dan si tante. pdhl udah ngantuk berat. uhuhuhu.
slbmnya ketemuan ama marisa nadia dll di citos, sampe akhirnya dijemput si ibu.
kmu ditanyain marisa tuh. katanya apa kabar? trus dia pake manggil2 aku burung dodo pula.
untung gak ada yg ngeh, untung andini budek berat. i wonder how's your day..?!

Wednesday, May 2, 2006 11:00 AM

uhuhuhu belom2 udah kangen banget, pengen sms crita klo akhirnya udah pindah lantai
dan dapet meja sendiri, dinding sendiri, huhuh tapi kapan dapet komputer sendiri yah?
capek aja bawa2 laptop terus2an. uhuhu. anehnya, kursi puterku yg hidrolik ilang!! waks.
dapetnya malah kursi dari ruang meeting yang gak bisa gerak2. kekekekek.

anyway, dari kemaren aku minta main kayak gini, aku kan blm bilang alesannya knp yah.
well, inget kan cerita soal tanteku sama petuah2 nyokap kemaren yang kemaren.
omongannya nyokap bikin aku mikir aja, soal aku ama kamu. ihihih lenje bgt ya?
tapi yah udahlah ya! intinya aku pengen tau aja, aku ke kamu tuh gimana.
emang cuman fling2 doang, ato emang aku bener2 sayang ama kamu. hehehehe.
jadi ngetesnya ya dengan gak ketemu aja dulu seminggu. klo masih ktemuan mana bisa
mikir jernih. :p maaf ya baru bilang.

11:34
i got my chair back!!! hehehehe kurang pasang gambar2 di dinding blakang, bawa mainan2 mini
buat di atas meja, sama tumbuhan kecil buat di bawah meja, plus tempat sampah mini.
hahahaha jatohnya penuh gila!!! aku punya ide brilian untuk bikin kerekan semacam kerekan
jemuran, biar klo aku ama dini mo kirim2an kamus, gampang sekaligus menyenangkan!
tp si dino menolak, dengan senyum manis. ihihihihi padahal itu ide brilian bgt loh!

11:44
i got a cpu, tapi bekas punya kepala keuangan!! gak sudi gitu. uhuhu mendingan pake
laptop sendiri gak sih?! mana cuman cpu doang, gak ada monitor!! kantor macam apa ini?!
knp ya gak dibeliin yg baru aja?! oh iya! ntar klo anak baru dateng, aku mo tuker aja
ah!! ihihihi biarin :p abis males klo pake yang bekas2an. *sombong gila!

6:28 PM
lagi nonton 'love me if you dare' tapi masih di tengah2. huhuhu antara kangen tp sedih
kecil. lain kali mendingan aku jgn dikasih film kayak gini klo lagi kangen gila2an ya.
*i cant believe that i'm being so lenje 'bout this* but hell i am.
filmnya persis kayak yg aku tebak ri. hehehehe, and i the background, kota2 perancisnya.
menyesal knp waktu itu gak sekalian ke paris. hohohohoho.

masa ya, aku abis kampus, balik ke kantor, tapi gak ngapa2in gitu. arian balik, aris balik.
tinggal soleh andini ama alfred, itu pun kita karna gak tau mo ngapain lagi. jd masih
stay di kantor. pengen minta jemput mama, males kluar nyari taksi lagi.

6:57
owkay, ternyata mobil 8 hari di bengkel!! gila! itu lama banget! dipinjemin mobil sih, tapi
hiks hiks tetep aja si ibu gak bisa jemput krn mo ke kemang. jadilah tetep aku naik
taksi. damn! just a second ago, aku salah liat monitornya soleh. aku pikir dia nonton film
ternyata bokep! pffttt!!!!!

7:19
film kmu gila banget yah. asli gila abis. baru selse nonton. gilaaaa....
jadi, cap pas cap nih ya.. :) phew, miss you a lot.

7:33
si ibu ternyata ke warung baba, krn tanteku buka warung2an sate gitu deket ganthari. gawat,
brarti klo makan di sana, gak bisa ngerokok! gawat gawat. what's worse, hari ini semua
orang pada gak di rumah, trus mi3 baru kluar, trus kan klo ada kamu kita bs nonton aja!
waaaaaaaaaaaaa... (inhale, exhale) tenang, i should be able to pull myself together.
:)

10:54
aku mikir2, dan mikir dan mikir. and i hated myself klo lagi terlalu banyak mikir kayak
gini. gak bs cuek dan santai, biarin semuanya go with the flow. i overthink things.
membingungkan memang. i guess some things are better left unsaid.

:: both sides, now // joni mitchell :: anthemku hari ini!! :D

11:09
mamaku pergi ke vin+ di kemang, nge-wine2, trus lanjut ke dragonfly. pulang2 dia mabok
berat gitu. tp kok klo dia yg mabok, jtohnya aku bt bgt yah.. huhuhuhu

11:18
kayaknya aku berhasil lewatin satu hari. phew.

mulai permainan tidak ketemu, tidak sms, tidak telp, dan tidak chatting for one whole week! it's only an hour and i'm losing it!! uhuhuhuhu kangen!!!